Physical Manifestations of Stress

David and I were having a conversation about our stress levels, one of many touch points we have daily about how we are each coping with the reality of living in a hospital with our medically complicated son.

David was relaying how he thought we were doing pretty well managing our stress and that while we KNEW we were stressed, it hadn't really taken a tole on us physically. For example when we finally get to bed, the second our head hits the pillow it's lights out. No troubles sleeping here. That's probably more to do with the fact we are so utterly exhausted by that point, there's really no fighting it.

I hadn't been sick, my migraines hadn't crept back into my life postpartum, neither of us has really lost any weight and my blood pressure resumed it's normal rhythm. (so much that I got to stop taking all of my meds postpartum). Overall, it seemed like we were just tired.....like really tired.

Fast forward to the next day when I woke up with pain behind my ear. I figured I slept funny, maybe my earring pushed against my skin and it would go away. As the day went on, the pain got worse until the next morning it coupled with swelling of one side of my face, and I could barely swallow or chew. I also had some acne on my forehead, which was odd (see above- no physical signs of stress yet)!

On Saturday, I googled walk-in clinics near us and phone to make an appointment for Monday. I needed to figure out what was causing the pain and swelling in the side of my face. To my great surprise, the clinic I called happened to be seeing patients from 10am till noon that day on a first come basis. I all but ran to clinic to see a doctor.

Shingles

Remember that stress acne from before? Turns out, not acne at all. I have shingles.

I thought shingles was a disease of older folk. I have also not been around anyone with chickenpox, so I had no idea where I had picked this up. I asked the doctor as much. His answer- you don't actually contract shingles. It's a reactivation of the chickenpox virus that lays dormant in your body until it finds an opportune moment to strike! What conditions make this virus re-animate like some sort of apocalyptic zombie you ask? Physical trauma and high stress. Check, and check! My recent C-section surgery covered the physical trauma and the last few months of hospital stay covers to the stress.

Virology

If it wasn't happening to me, I'd think the Varicella Zoster Virus (the virus that causes shingles) is actually pretty neat.

First of all, you need to have had chickenpox before to get shingles. The virus stays dormant in your body, hiding out in your spinal nerves. It waits for the right moment to reactivate years later as shingles.

It starts out with pain, itching or tingling followed by a rash. The rash typically develops on only one side of the body, or in my case the face. There are some severe neurological effects of the virus long term if not treated promptly. Luckily, I think I caught it in time and am receiving antiviral medication.

Second, you can't contract shingles from someone with singles. You CAN however get chickenpox from someone with shingles, assuming you're not immune (through a previous chickenpox infection or vaccine). This is where neat, and not so neat reality start to blur. David, having had chickenpox as a child, cannot get infected from me. Whereas Rémi, a brand new babe with no immunity, can contract chickenpox from my shingles.

Unlike chickenpox, which is highly contagious, shingles is less good at spreading. A person must have direct contact with the fluid from the rash. This means you are only really contagious from the time the rash blisters, until they rash starts to crust over. In addition, if you cover up the rash, the likelihood of spreading the virus is very low.

Isolation

Even though there is a small chance that I could infect Rémi, it's not a risk I (or the hospital) is willing to take. Until my rash is healed, I am not allowed at the hospital to see Rémi.

I know this is for the best, both for my son and all of the other patients at the hospital. Knowing it and living it are two very different things.

I am struggling. Not being able to hold Rémi, or see him whenever I want is taking a toll. I already feel robbed of so much with him in the hospital, this is just one more set back. David has been a champion sending me videos and the nurses have bent the rules and let us face time. I will be very honest- it's not the same and it hurts.

Recovery

While I wait for the antiviral medication to work it's magic, I am trying as hard as I can to catch up on some rest and hopefully speed up the recovery.

I'm also working on Rémi's crochet rainbow blanket (more on that to come). It helps keep my mind occupied. Something I need with all this extra time on my hands.

Wish me a speedy recovery so I can get back to where I am needed most...with my family.

Until then, I'll be sitting here waiting for my own remedy and cure.